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It’s when you drag it with you morosely, or hide behind it, that it becomes an issue.

You don’t want a partner who’s lived a trouble-free life, because you won’t know how they cope with problems.

Achieving things works – set small goals, like running for 10 minutes, or losing 5lbs, reading a high-brow literary classic, taking a good friend away for a weekend, getting a second job, redecorating a room… They might feel trivial, but by regularly setting goals and meeting them, you’ll rebuild your image of yourself as successful – a huge boost, after the feelings of failure that divorce (however amicable) can create.

Your marriage failed, but that’s not a reason to swear off love completely.

In match.com’s annual Love Geist survey into attitudes towards love and dating we found that the main reason people in their 40s are single is “emotional baggage”.

They feel they have too much, or they don’t want to deal with a partner’s. Baggage makes anyone a deeper, more interesting and ultimately more lovable person. If you swing it jauntily – embracing life as a single-parent, or working a plan to get back on your feet financially – you’re attractive.

Don’t be tempted to use dating to salvage your pride.

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While you’ll undoubtedly get a confidence boost from realising you’re still desirable, it’ll only be a fragile support and if that relationship finishes too, you’ll feel doubly vulnerable. Instead of rushing back into looking for love, take some time to rebuild your self-esteem *for* and *by* yourself.

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