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Rule #6 If you plan on dating other girls besides my daughter make sure that you have told her and that she is okay with this.

If you think that you will have opportunities to explore your sexual activity with my daughter you will find out that I will be the only type of birth control that you will need.

There will be no text messaging, video chatting; late night cell phone calls either because I will be watching…everything.

Actually, before you answer that you need to read over my ten simple rules to date her, sign your life away (just technicalities), as well as give some samples of your DNA for future use, if necessary.

Now that we got the small stuff out of the way, read the following rules below and if you agree and sign you may qualify to date my beautiful, wonderful, innocent and precious daughter.

Rule #4 In today’s world, sexual activity among young people is becoming rather common place.

Rule #1 If you plan on taking my daughter on a date and come to my house and honk your horn or call her cell phone you'd better be the UPS man, because you are not picking anything up.

Rule #2 If you touch my daughter be prepared to have removal of the touching limbs from your body in any such way that I feel appropriate.

Rule #5 When you come to my house to pick up my daughter (at the door) I do not wish to discuss any other information such as sports or politics for which, you have no intelligible knowledge of these subjects, other than what time you will be bringing my daughter home.

That means, all I want to hear coming out of your mouth as you pick her up is the word “early”.

I realize that you are just following the latest trends because you aren’t original in your choices so let’s come to a negotiation: You may come to the door with your under clothes showing and your pants too big or too small, and I will not comment.

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However, to make certain that your clothes do not accidentally slide off or spontaneously explode off your body due to being too tight, I will take my staple gun and fasten your jeans snugly in place to your waist.

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