Dear Annie, Mark lost his job three months ago, just after we moved in together. He never took a day off from work, not even when he was sick. He said that he has worked all of his life and wanted to relax for a while.
He has limited savings and is now at the point where he can’t afford to pay for his share of our expenses. We dated for eight months before merging households. That was fine with me as long as he pulled his own financial weight.
He rarely sends out his resume because the jobs that he qualifies for don’t pay as well as his old job and he doesn’t want to work for less money.
I know that the loss of his job was a shock to him, but I’d rather not continue to support him.
Some couples believe that all income belongs equally to both members.
Others set aside a portion of their income for mutual expenses and keep the remainder separate.
When you and Mark moved in together, did you have an understanding of how you were splitting expenses and responsibilities?
After I insisted, he reluctantly agreed to search for work.
How can I get him to take his job search seriously?Adele I understand why Mark might want to take time off and relax. At this point, he’s in a situation where he can’t pay for his costs of living without your financial backing, which he couldn’t have obtained without your consent.Let’s face it: no one except the IRS can force you to spend your money unless they have your permission.It’s up to each couple to negotiate how they agree to share financial responsibilities.In either case, a member of a couple might feel that it’s reasonable to assume that their partner will act as their financial safety net when the other person’s contribution falls short.
You may very well question Mark’s financial intentions, as you just moved in together after a moderately short courtship.