Then your careers took off, or you became parents, or both.And then one day you realized that you couldn't even remember the last time you had sex.Sex is often used as a bargaining tool: could be you’re being denied it because your partner is angry with you.(Women, especially, are much more likely to lose interest in sex if they’re annoyed with their partner.) Once you start talking, it will become (often painfully) obvious what your future holds.The second sort is a reflex erection, one that results when there’s direct genital stimulation. The third type of erection is a nocturnal erection, the least effort variety that you get spontaneously during REM (rapid eye movement) sleep. If you’re not getting the other two but you are waking up ‘pee proud’, there’s a pretty good bet the cause is psychological rather than physical.Most men get around seven erections a day – five of them are nocturnal.The first erection comes courtesy of the brain: it’s called a psychogenic erection and it’s produced when the brain recognises erotic stimuli – both real or imagined.
As one therapist friend of mine puts it: there’s something very wrong with the picture if your partner is saying ‘I know you’re desperately unhappy but I don’t plan on doing anything about it and still expect you to be faithful’ A: Yes – there appears to be three.Will you work hard to get the sex back, or are you OK living in a sexless marriage? An overwhelming majority of readers say there's no way they would stay in a sexless marriage.You might decide to ‘take a lover’, as they do in some European countries, and have your sexual needs satisfied outside the marriage.Or you might decide it’s more honest to leave and find someone who does it for both ends: heart and groin.We’ll happily attach our lips and hips to that the pretty-but-pretty-thick hottie for a five-week flingette but choose long-term lovers for different reasons.
Factors like kindness, stability, intelligence and emotional intelligence take precedence.