But, not all lesbians are butch, androgynous or masculine of center.
Some women-who-love-women also love “girly” things, which contradicts the stereotype of who and what is gay. Here are five dating problems you will probably have if you’re a femme lesbian: 1. Whether you’re among “family” (other LGBTQ folks) or mostly heterosexuals, being feminine is a sign that you’re straight. People don’t understand why someone so ‘pretty’ would be gay.
Femme women face objectification by the larger world (“You like girls? ”) and at times little acceptance by queer folks (“No way she’s gay! For some, being super femme and super gay for whatever reason is a contradiction.
And, it can read as an unspoken invitation for awkward and offensive questions and comments. Worst of all, receiving solicitations for threesomes.
If you’ve decided that seeking same-sex love is easier online because it’s less intimidating asserting yourself, you are likely to encounter unwanted invitations from couples. To quote myself, for both men and women, femmes are “like a tasty garnish for a bland meal.” The solution? If you want to find love for life or just for the night, it’s up to you.
Let’s face it, women can be just as nervous about approaching women they’re interested in as men.
So, it’s less scary approaching someone you’re 99.9% sure is gay.
We’ve talked about the challenges of dating as a bisexual and lesbian sex.
So, it’s only fitting that we break down the difficulties in dating and looking for love as a femme lesbian – something we discussed this week on Alicia Menendez Tonight.
(It doesn’t.) Unfortunately, because femmes can ‘pass’ as straight, they’re not seen as lesbian by other queer folks unless you’re on the arm of another woman, particularly a queer “looking” woman…or are wearing rainbow everything. And, even when you think you’ve made it clear, straight men (specifically, cisgender males) still don’t understand. Unfortunately, you may be objectified by not only straight folks, but queer folks, too. Women – regardless of their sexual orientation – are targets for sexism.
What’s worse is when they tell you that you’re not really a lesbian, “you just haven’t been with the right man.” Presumably them. Add on queer identity and it only makes the bull’s eye bigger.
Though there may be some benefits and privileges, there are even more draw backs. When you go to gay bars, some assume you’re there because you’re either lost or are just tagging along with a friend who is LGBTQ.
Not being seen as a woman-who-loves-women is not only invalidating, it’s frustrating because.. What’s worse is others expect you to be inexperienced, pillow princesses…or bi-curious.