Via Brain Trust: 93 Top Scientists Reveal Lab-Tested Secrets to Surfing, Dating, Dieting, Gambling, Growing Man-Eating Plants, and More!
: The trick, according to Finkel, Eastwick, and Saigal, is to avoid extremes in autonomy.
Accept your date’s pass, redirect it slightly, and then return the ball— all with warmth and genuine interest in his or her responses.
This acceptance and redirection is the push and pull that creates smoothness.
Via Quirkology: How We Discover the Big Truths in Small Things.
the conversations about travel tended to revolve around great holidays and dream destinations, and that makes people feel good and so appear more attractive to one another. This is how to have smooth first date conversation. Don’t dominate, but don’t be a non-contributor either.
When talking about movies, less than 9 percent of the pairs wanted to meet up again, compared to 18 percent when participants spoke about the top topic—travel…
Emotional, personal information exchange during first date conversation promotes powerful feelings of connection.
Via Sam Gosling’s book, Snoop: What Your Stuff Says About You: Arthur Aron, a psychologist at the State University of New York at Stony Brook, is interested in how people form romantic relationships, and he’s come up with an ingenious way of taking men and women who have never met before and making them feel close to one another. Instead of talking about the World Cup or their favorite desserts, they shared their innermost fears or told the story of losing their virginity.
Given that he has just an hour or so to create the intimacy levels that typically take weeks, months, or years to form, he accelerated the getting-to-know-you process through a set of thirty-six questions crafted to take the participants rapidly from level one in Mc Adams’s system to level two. In under an hour it can create a connection stronger than a lifelong friendship. Everyone, both sender and replier, was happier with the interaction…What we learned from this little experiment is that when people are free to choose what type of discussions they want to have, they often gravitate toward an equilibrium that is easy to maintain but one that no one really enjoys or benefits from.
Via Click: The Magic of Instant Connections: What he found was striking. Forcing people to discuss interesting but more controversial topics made for more enjoyable first date conversation. Via Ok Cupid: Among all our casual topics, whether someone likes the taste of beer is the single best predictor of if he or she has sex on the first date…