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"Rob Bell is an excellent person, aaaaaaaaaa religious man, aaaaaaaaa smart individual who, like me, knows what it's like to be accused of not being Christian," Obama said."Best of all, Bell knows how to irritate the heck out of evangelicals.Gronk is slated to bare it all in this year’s issue, and in some behind-the-scenes footage released by ESPN, the Patriots tight end bashes a pinata, spikes a football and gets a pedicure. He also discusses his reading habits, how much practice he has spiking footballs naked and the grief he’s expecting to receive from his teammates in the Patriots locker room. President Barack Obama has signed an executive order commissioning former megachurch pastor Rob Bell to write a gender-neutral Bible.

In a rare White House press briefing, Obama said Bell is the most competent person for the job.

And while I believe we need a country that is welcoming of all Americans, regardless of who they are, everybody and their dog knows that evangelicals, babies, and nuns don't count." Bell was only recently informed of the commissioning while doing a motivational speech on how virginity, the Bible, and big church buildings are a detriment to Christianity.

"I am thrilled that THE President of our country wants me to write up a gender inclusive Bible," explained Bell as he adjusted his Hipster blue jeans.

Robert Stanley after completing the prosthetic training programs.

-- Removing all verses that refer to homosexuality and extramarital sex as sinful and replacing them with the phrase "Love Wins!

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