If we want to take down our profiles and commit, we’ll do it.
Which is why, when Maureen and Cassie breathlessly asked me to tell them what to do next, the answer couldn’t be more simple: NOTHING!!!
Because of their own fear – of being abandoned, of being not-good-enough, of being too old, too rigid, too masculine – they seriously ran the risk of alienating their new men.
Until I reminded them of a core principle in “Why He Disappeared”: men do what they want to do. If we want to introduce you to our family, we’ll introduce you to our family.
“Doing something” means you’re trying to keep your emotional tether alive, to nudge him into calling you, seeing you, committing to you.
But the great thing about men is this: We don’t need to be nudged!
When you’re on the phone with women for 4 hours a day, you tend to hear a lot of recurring themes.
One of the most prominent themes is a “high-class” problem; in other words, if you’re having this issue, it means you’re doing very well with men.
” Both of them, unfortunately, had it quite backwards.
It’s three weeks into dating and his profile’s up, you let it go. Wouldn’t it make more sense to call him, text him, and see him so he doesn’t lose interest in you? All you do when you “nudge” a man to take action is let him know that he’s in control, you’re desperate and needy, and that you don’t trust that he knows what’s good for him. And if he’s receiving texts that say, “Where are you?!
Maureen and Cassie could not be more different as people, but they both have the agonizing problem of finding a man who absolutely adores them after less than one month of one-on-one coaching.
Immediately, our conversations turn from, “Why are there no good men out there?!
So when it’s been 10 hours and you haven’t gotten a reply to his text, you let it go.
When it’s Thursday night and he hasn’t called to see you on Saturday, you let it go. You never have more leverage over a man than when he’s CHOSEN you of his own accord, when he’s EMOTIONALLY INVESTED in you because he FEELS so happy every time he’s around you.